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As we move out of any emotional relationship, we may stop thinking deeply, uncommonly and very worrying: What if we - one way or another - are to blame too? Of course, "They are always wrong; this idea seems like the only way to sleep comfortably. But frankness may compel us to ask whether blame can be distributed or permanently allocated in love. What if there is something we do to make our relationships more difficult than it was What if we were psychologically difficult or dull in some way? And what if we left at a tremendous cost, but we are in a state of disregard with the soul, then we soon end up in the same place and position with another person within a few months or years?

It is difficult to speak in favor of uneasy and unstable doubts about the relationship, but this may be about the most exciting concerns we can hope to have. In fact, we should not be considered safe candidates for any relationship until we begin to ask deeply about how dangerous we are in any relationship. It should be a regular practice such as going out on a date with a dinner date with any candidate who is unable to reach a sincere and considered answer to the question about what may be particularly insane and difficult of course for them. This should not be considered offensive, it is just an understandable reassurance of a person's self-awareness levels. Emotional maturity does not begin until we can confront and tame much of what is desperate, broken, and immature within us.

The real tragedy of relationships is not that they are going wrong but when we do this thing we learn a little from them, and in a better society in the future, the termination of relations must end completely in a realistic and practical level; marriages must be concluded without any current costs and bureaucratic delays. But only on one condition: that the two parties be able to demonstrate a conceptual and civilized development of the reason for the failure of their relationship, and what they were, whether personally or both, being together as a couple, which made their union and being together very difficult. One may need to pass a test out of a relationship - for a simple and human reason: that only when two people, presumably they will return again soon for dating, have understood and realized how difficult it is for another person, emotionally protecting the public that has remained sufficiently from the major dangers that it poses and presents. Continuous self-ignorance. Exit testing will not be a punitive measure, but rather an essential public health tool.

The most important fact about relationships is that the way we love adults has a history. The candidates we choose and the hallmark of their dealings and visualization of their motivations reflect the expectations that have formed around our nearest caregivers. We cannot understand the fate of any one relationship without linking it to the dynamics that we knew at the beginning of our lives. As adults we do not find much love like embarking on its renewal, and the pursuit of varying degrees of self-awareness to recreate it with our partners many patterns and emotions that we first saw about parenting personalities.

If our adult's emotional life tends to be very difficult, then this means that the love that we tasted in childhood in many cases was not entirely clear. There may be a mixture of feelings of affection and kindness, but this is likely to come coated with painful and more disturbing feelings: a feeling of not being good enough, a feeling that we need to protect someone from some facts about ourselves, fear of abandonment or a feeling of anger we had Calm down ... we find ourselves attracted to people not on the basis that they are nice or good to us, but because we feel familiarity with them. As if we were re-experiencing affection and familiarity, but also sometimes, we give the impression of not measuring expectations or ignoring them. It might not be fun by itself. However, it seemed logical. We may reject the healthiest candidates not because we do not acknowledge their virtues on paper, but because (as we can never admit), we feel that they will not make us suffer the way we must suffer in order to feel that we are in a loving relationship in a proper way.

And still the most tragic thing is that not only do we sometimes try to return unhealthy partners, we also have a tendency to imagine that we did this even when we did not. As someone with a difficult and difficult past feels chronic suspicions - even with innocent candidates - they feel like they are about to be treated like the abusive characters who have failed them in childhood. Although this may be completely false, they will feel at every turn of life as if it were a re-confrontation of the mother who had insulted them or the father who ignored them - and as a result they would take instinctive or aggressive defensive behavior that was completely unreliable and unjustified, Perhaps at the end of this behavior, the partner who was most ready for the relationship will be impatient

 

All this performance of a relationship-exit test that works perfectly to stir up our anger - and makes us ready to be prepared for it.

Here are some of the main questions the candidate will face:

1- What is unsatisfactory, insufficient or painful thing in your relationship with your parents from the social perspective you are attracted to?

2. How have the above difficulties tended to appear in your own mature relationships? Do you notice repetition?

3- Instead, were you so anxious to get away from the dynamics of childhood stage that you deprived yourself of some of the good traits that you had, along with the disturbing features of your original caregivers?

Do you continue to face difficulties because you are only attracted to people who are by no means (for example) smart, subtle, successful or loved - because these traits provoke something very painful during stages of your previous life?

4- What is the horrible or painful thing that you suspect the partner may do with you? What is the degree of your fear that they might harm you, do you do things with their presence, so that we are less than productivity?

How fair is fear?

5- What did you learn about communication in childhood? How good and efficient are you in identifying the parts that are more hurt, sad, or emotionally weak than you?

6- Complete the sentence: When psychologically hurt, I tend to ...

Complete the sentence: Instead of explaining my feelings clearly and calmly, what's wrong, I ...

 Complete the sentence: Jump to conclusions about ...

7- As far as you have a tendency to choose partners that reflect past problems, to save time, in future romantic relationships, what is the closest possible sign that you have found someone who will end up in a frustrating and familiar place?

Knowing what you know now, what are the first warning signs that indicate that your character in the near future will prove difficult and spiky?

What covenant did you take on yourself to search for and successfully escape from it next time?

8- We may not always have the option to change our patterns, but we do have the option to change the way we respond in a distinct way to these patterns. Currently, we often do this according to a script we learned in early childhood. We act immature: we are upset, we complain, we get angry or we are on the defensive. But there is always an opportunity to respond in a more mature manner (through clear explanation, not excessively blaming ourselves, avoiding anger etc.), which may be enough to transform the destiny of the relationship.

How you can behave as an adult and in more explicit ways regarding the difficulties that arise with the types of people we have relationships with.

9 If I could choose a different type of partner next time, what would it be?

How can you be sure that he has not hidden his true personality behind his outward appearance?

10 - You may have spent a lot of time leaving this relationship, although you gradually realize that it was wrong. What have you experienced in the past that explains this tendency to falter and get involved?

What can you say to yourself so that you will be more decisive and less compatible next time?

The relationship may be over; there is some kind of failure in this brutal reality. But the end does not have to prove catastrophic for either side in the long run as long as enough insight can be pulled out of the ashes. The least we can do to atone for the harm we have experienced and cause the ends of unhappy love stories is to make sure that we - at least - are pointing to one or two things that we have learned through pain that will make us less dangerous and more mature next time.

We extract from this article and this interesting topic that most people can suffer by thinking that it does not attract it

 And continuing to live in the shadow of frustrating thoughts and loss of self-confidence all lead us to meet people with the same pattern and the same situations

In my opinion, even if a person suffers since childhood and was greatly affected by the rule of his upbringing, then he can over time avoid repeated mistakes in through

 Entering psychosocial courses that motivate to raise the ceiling of confidence. Working energy energies in order to work for him an internal balance in the ability to act in situations.

Over time, he realizes his mistakes with the new relationship, and the most important thing is everything that tired in the relationship is expressed in words, and if it does not really work and he is moving away, who wants you to do the impossible for reform